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Ruminations

by abrasions

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1.
from birth it’s placed our fall from grace cultivate so long to learn we’re wrong the cradle will fall just prioritize and compartmentalize i know that this wretched world’s declined and out of time as we stand so helpless to deny this divide as inside the child’s died we fought so hard to protect our whole lives the cradle will fall for this pride in our country is the fuel for our folly and the weight of our naivety marks the depth of our cruelty no more can this childish rubbish hold with what we now know crushed by this new sense of it all the cradle must fall just prioritize and compartmentalize
2.
the frailty of all my beliefs at challenge i could crumble so quickly the wretched ways i weigh my words clumsy in spite of hours rehearsed how memories assault and dwell while pacing through this mental cell my back and forth through pride and shame as grand convictions are betrayed my carnal lust and poison vice no dream nor drug will quite suffice the ruminations i have built to labyrinths of fear and guilt these lacerations i’ve designed composed of dissonance and rhyme and are repulsed by what they see with tactful hate’s passivity i lurk in my own hell their sullen absentee basking in such dull remote self-indulgent frivolities working ever so hard to suspend their disbelief a character writing his own script and scanning it obsessively a masquerade forced and depraved it’ll honestly be a relief to take my last bow and leave this stage but what if they know what if they know what if they know what if they know it shows you know in every word you say fooling no one but yourself when you try to hide away
3.
and although some say you’re holy i know the truth and i know all you say is only a spineless ruse and though you may bleach your teeth to hide a shit eating smile there’s no denial we can smell it too but since crowds embrace such folly the paradigm absolves your lies but still i wondered why it had seemed such dark disgrace pockmarks your face but who doesn’t seem pathetic once you’ve learned all their secrets and although you claimed it was only a minor lapse not meant to last i always knew one day you’d show me how it takes its toll once you’ve lost control because the words you say betray your actions exiled to private trials we all see to and all your deceit reeks of a stench that’s so vile that all the while we knew that although you may seem nice you know the truth and no one knows it better than you you’re a horrible person
4.
i’ll never forget what he said but i know what it means nothing but a drunken reverie but in his arms i felt so nevermind silly me but at the time it was almost like nevermind silly me and i knew in my gut my heart was stupid rearing its head where it had no business being nevermind silly me a year ago i should have known no no no bankrupt soul oh should have known he wouldn’t even get any satisfaction out of knowing how much it meant to me it’s just another stupid overreaction the way it’s always been
5.
searching for new ways to think to feel a new place to find some clarity eyes prying for small truths between the lines with such unnatural urgency such aspirations boiling below every interaction tried and untrue leaving behind hopes dreamed up in sunlight exposed as ersatz under the moon it’s becoming clear though i don’t belong on this path i’ve followed for far too long dove in the heart of a new city
6.
so let’s tell a tale of one truth the idealized self that we are doomed to pursue self-actualization’s hard to gauge though some still claim it comes with age as their quiet schemes and furtive dreams lie in wait marking their own graves a breath of apathy and its sweet relief sets the stage for the dead decades the identity of every generation passed down the line with a dimming flame burn the receipt of greed and segregation cherish the past relieved of shame absolved a soul can settle on tradition embrace the lofty and the sublime all we believe will turn in tunnel vision time as your quiet schemes and furtive dreams lie in wait now set in your ways your breadth of apathy and its sweet relief turns the page unto the dead decades the gravity towards ego breaks us over time our perception narrows nostalgia seals the mind within this new unreason dissonance may cry let it sing the treason protest this design if you cannot condone this atrophy you must stand alone against history
7.
inside here i’m longing to come clean again inside here so lonely i’m needing again my heart aches for something that has no true end to feel we’re together to feel it again oh love why must you go by so many different names oh love why can’t you ever stay the same please don’t change i’ll cherish the moment it’s doomed to pass the memories loop forever but it just won’t last cite their names to no one just like they’re gods cathedrals closed off to atheistic odds
8.
the wickedness that lies within our reason self preservation is the only law attend the daily mass or execution skip out in time to miss the denouement our silent war's of private destitution the social contract's poised against the fact the status quo demands no resolution assured the image will remain intact they'll never show nor tell of their dissonance to uphold their willful pride in old taboos and so your resolve dissipates a little bit more every day as you revise and compromise until no matter which side you choose you lose it's wrong and forged with secret hatred the ugly truth that lies within every act you've gone to a place of ancient regrets to contemplate what was lost for the sake of tact you'll only see and hear the difference the errors you could not eliminate as on and on you rearrange the choices you have failed to change but they're delayed it's far too late and no matter which side you choose you lose
9.
as soon as they leave the screaming begins the wondering and dreaming and everything the agony of what has been denied the dissonance with the lofty and the sublime a trillion years wasted drifting in the void a stubborn rebellion towards nature’s horrid ploy a laceration on the stage a laceration on the bed a laceration in the crowd a laceration in my head i must make a scene of how much we decay it’s fucking obscene how we allow it every day tear me apart and make it ugly a humanist horrified by humanity

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abrasions: Ruminations
Lacerations Addendum

credits

released October 1, 2019

all songs originally written by Jay Ericson

mastered by Alan Douches at West West Side Music

bodypainting and photography from Art by Brandon McGill



title design by Christina Dao

Remixes & Reinterpretations:

The Cradle Must Fall (Wretched World)
- Greg Keegan of Ekhmnesya

What If They Know? (MAYhem Mix)
- M Ali Yaremko of Cynical Mass

Verdict (Direct Collapse Remix)
- Jay M Blanch of Direct Collapse

Silly Me (Should Have Known)
- Bloodwiser of Whythre

Highway X (Android Lust Remix)
- Shikhee of Android Lust

Dead Decades (BITTER)
- Mae of Bitter Pearls

O’ Love (CJ Remix)
- Christopher Jon of I, Parasite

Stalemate (Reprise)
- Yuchan Yaj; mixed by Mae

Laceration : Dissociation
- Alaster Warring of The Alien Element


Thank you:
Ben Yuen, Dad, Greg K. Peil, M Ali Yaremko, Jay M. Blanch, Jesse Thompson, Shikhee, Mae Warring, Christopher Jon, Kento Iwasaki, Brandon McGill, Christina Dao, Kim Lepon, Ryan David Francisco, Christian Francisco, Austin Stuber, Ryan O' Connor, Leigh Zagorin, Emmanuel Romero, Garr, Ty Thompson, Tomas Bana, Yousei Sama, and all those who got me through these years.

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abrasions Oakland, California

Industrial post-punk noise from the California bay area.

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