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Lacerations

by abrasions

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1.
Verdict 04:27
although some say you’re holy i know the truth and i know all you say is only a spineless ruse and though you may bleach your teeth to hide a shit eating smile there’s no denial: we can smell it too but since crowds embrace such folly the paradigm absolves your lies still i wondered why it had seemed such dark disgrace pockmarks your face (but who doesn’t seem pathetic, once you’ve learned all their secrets…?) and although you claimed it was only a minor lapse, not meant to last i always knew one day you’d show me how it takes its toll, once you’ve lost control because the words you say betray your actions exiled to private trials we all see to and all your deceit reeks of a stench that’s so vile that all the while, we knew that although you may seem nice you know the truth and no one knows it better than you: you’re a horrible person
2.
Dead Decades 04:40
so let’s tell a tale of one truth: the idealized self that we are doomed to pursue self-actualization’s hard to gauge though some still claim it comes with age as their quiet schemes and furtive dreams lie in wait (lofty and sublime…) marking their own graves a breath of apathy and its sweet relief sets the stage (atrophies in time…) for the dead decades [retch, repeat; it’s your turn next it cycles once again…] - the identity of every generation passed down the line with a dimming flame burn the receipt of greed and segregation cherish the past, relieved of shame absolved, a soul can settle on tradition embrace the lofty and the sublime all we believe will turn in tunnel vision time (aye, i know…) as your quiet schemes and furtive dreams lie in wait (lofty and sublime…) now set in your ways your breadth of apathy and its sweet relief turns the page (atrophies in time…) unto the dead decades [retch, repeat, it cycles once again…] - the gravity towards ego breaks us over time our perception narrows nostalgia seals the mind within this new unreason dissonance may cry let it sing the treason protest this design if you cannot condone this atrophy you must stand alone against history
3.
i lurk in my own hell their sullen absentee basking in such dull, remote self-indulgent frivolities working ever so hard to suspend their disbelief a character writing his own script and scanning it obsessively a masquerade, forced and depraved it’ll honestly be a relief to take my last bow and leave this stage but what…oh… what if they know the frailty of all my beliefs at challenge i could crumble so quickly what if they know the wretched ways i weigh my words clumsy in spite of hours rehearsed what if they know how memories assault and dwell while pacing through this mental cell what if they know my back and forth of pride and shame as grand convictions are betrayed what if they know my carnal lust and poison vice no dream nor drug will quite suffice what if they know these ruminations i have built to labyrinths of fear and guilt what if they know these lacerations i’ve designed composed of dissonance and rhyme what if they know and are repulsed by what they see with tactful hate’s passivity what if they know…? it shows, you know in every word you say you’re fooling no one but yourself when you try to hide away
4.
Silly Me 05:55
i’ll never forget what he said but i know what it means: nothing but a drunken reverie but in his arms i felt so… nevermind silly me he wouldn’t even get any satisfaction out of knowing how much it meant to me but at the time it was almost like… nevermind silly me i knew in my gut my heart was stupid rearing its head where it had no business being silly me silly old me… he wouldn’t even get any satisfaction out of knowing how much it meant to me it’s just another stupid overreaction the way it’s always been a year ago i really believed i could afford a hope no no no… silly me bankrupt soul i should have known my love was trash oh, silly old me should have known my love was trash silly me silly old me…
5.
Stalemate (free) 04:35
the wickedness that lies within our reason self preservation is the only law attend the daily mass or execution but skip out in time to miss the denouement our silent war is of private destitution the social contract’s poised against the fact the status quo demands no resolution assured the image will remain intact they’ll neither show nor tell of their dissonance to uphold their willful pride in old taboos and so your resolve dissipates a little bit more every day as you revise, and compromise until no matter which side you choose: you lose it’s wrong, and forged with secret hatred the ugly truth that lies within every act you’ve gone to a place of ancient regrets to contemplate all that’s lost for the sake of tact you’ll only see and hear the difference the errors you could not eliminate as on and on you rearrange the choices you have failed to change but they’re delayed, it’s far too late and no matter which side you choose: you lose
6.
O' Love 06:10
inside here, i’m longing to come clean, again inside here, so lonely… i’m needing, again my heart aches for something that has no true end to feel we’re together to feel it… again oh love, why must you go by so many different names? oh love, why can’t you ever stay the same? oh love, why must you go by so many different names? oh love, please don’t change… i’ll cherish the moment it’s doomed to pass the memories loop forever… but it just won’t last cite their names to no one just like they’re gods cathedrals closed off to atheistic odds oh love, why must you go by so many different names? oh love, why can’t you ever stay the same? oh love, why must you go by so many different names? oh love, please don’t change… i looked here i looked there you’re nowhere where are you, my darling? i’ve been looking everywhere for you...
7.
from birth it's placed our fall from grace to cultivate so long just to learn we're wrong the cradle will fall just prioritize and compartmentalize... i know that this wretched world's declined and out of time as we stand so helpless to deny this divide as inside, the child's died we fought so hard to protect our whole lives... (prioritize and compartmentalize) for this pride in our country is the fuel for our folly and the weight of our naivety marks the depth of our cruelty no more can this childish rubbish hold with what we now know crushed by this new sense of it all the cradle must fall
8.
Highway X 05:24
dove in the heart of a new city searching for new ways to think, to feel a new place to find some clarity brushed by small hopes wandering the streets eyes prying for small truths between the lines with such unnatural urgency it’s becoming clear though, i don’t belong on this path i’ve followed far too long rearview mirror mocks my ignoble smiles such aspirations boiling below every interaction tried and untrue return home to festering denials leaving behind hopes dreamed up in sunlight exposed as ersatz under the moon on this path i’ve followed for far too long it’s apparent to me now, i’ll never belong a new beginning ends, yet nothing has changed but these ruminous roadblocks on every highway so it’s left unsaid search: incomplete great hopes collapse and admit defeat that world’s not me now just a memory a lone echo, begging for unity
9.
Lacerations 04:11
as soon as they leave the screaming begins the wondering and dreaming and everything the agony of what has been denied the dissonance with the lofty and the sublime a trillion years wasted drifting in the void a stubborn rebellion towards nature's horrid ploy a laceration on the stage a laceration on the bed a laceration in the crowd a laceration in my head i must make a scene of how much we decay it’s fucking obscene how we allow it every day tear me apart and make it ugly a humanist horrified by humanity
10.

credits

released May 2, 2017

abrasions: Lacerations

written and arranged by Jay Ericson
except the title track, written by Jay Ericson & Alaster Warring
and “Undone”, written by Ken Andrews & Greg Edwards

performed by Jay Ericson except:
all bass guitar by Jo Aguda
rhythm guitar on “What If They Know?”, “Silly Me”, “The Cradle Must Fall”, and “O’ Love”; and ‘secrets’ vocals on “Verdict” by Jay M Blanch
backup vocals on “The Cradle Must Fall” by Sean Boyles
live drums on “What If They Know?” by Steve Kefalas
upright bass on “Verdict” by Jared Warren

additional synth shaping by Alaster of The Alien Element
additional drum resampling by DJ Trackula

produced by Jay Ericson, Alaster Warring, and DJ Trackula
mixed by Christopher Jon for DARKVISIONMEDIA
mastered by Alan Douches at West West Side Music

art direction by Jay Ericson and Jo Aguda
photography by Ryan O’Connor of Paths of Life
graphic design by Josh Michael Tyler of Acclaim Nation
wall painting by Sean Boyles


Thank You:
Joseph Aguda and Jay M Blanch, my brothers Karamazov;
Dad, for giving me the chances denied to so many;
Adam Griffin, for keeping my madness in check with your wisdom;
Marc Rose, for teaching me my love was not trash;
Josh Michael Tyler, Jared Warren, and Celest Diaz for being legit
Alaster Warring, Austin Stuber, Grégoire Peil and Tomas Baña for listening and understanding as these songs took shape;
DNA Lounge, for being my home away from home;
All my friends, wallflowers, and fellow queerpunx, for making it all worthwhile and keeping hope alive;
Fyodor Dostoevsky, for your humanism and tapestry of influence;
I, Parasite and Android Lust, for you inspiration and guidance;
and Nex Iuguolo and David Bowie for being shining stars of hope for us freaky people, R.I.P..

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abrasions Oakland, California

Industrial post-punk noise from the California bay area.

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